Emptiness

All of sudden, after days solving documents, waiting for emails responses, checking if everything was fine, doing my inscription, doing the fastest I could, because of my student visa. All of that, just because I thought I was going to be studying at the end of this month, I was going to move next week.

Turns that the semester only begins at September, for everybody, including me and all 16 brazilians approved. Which means that or I’ll study at this other university I was approved at (which is also amazing), that let me start right now, as I want to, in February, or I’ll have to wait another semester, seven more months out of academics, to start studying.

What I want to do right now? Definitely start. Go to the other university, maybe transfer myself to this other one I want more in the next year or next semester, because I don’t want to wait anymore, I’m tired of having empty days, free days, I want to feel useful, learn, study, know more. Even I’m doing a lot of things, I still don’t feel like being productive. Everything is too slow.

In the other hand, as my dad said, I can focus on my company. I can actually start it, look for more products, providers, develop different things. I can grow and learn,  it will be good in a long term and will help me financially later, when I actually go to college, in September. I’ll be able to manage things and have everything ready for when I go, like documents and visa, and plane tickets won’t be that expensive.

I know that, logically thinking, the best option is the late start (for me, at least), but I want so bad to study and to live this new life in a different continent. Time pass fast, but I have this feeling that I’ll feel empty as the time pass by. How do I fix that?

I know I will probably wait until September because I always try to think logically, but now I feel terrible sad and empty. If at least I had more knowledge about business… That’s something I’ll have to master. Fast.

Hey, I guess the good thing is that I can do ballet again. (my school have exciting plans for this year).

Who knows? I’ll try to think the best option I have. Sorry for this depressive vibe in this post…

Hope you’re having a good day,

Arissa Ayumi

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