Finding myself

I’ve already been here today, but the topic I want to write and share with myself and other people who want to read it is the fact that I’m probably on my way of finding myself on a connection path.

I like to write so I can clarify my ideias and know clearly what’s going on on my mind.

I always had this interest in nature, sustainability as a child, specially when I started to learn about those things when in first grade. Also, I spent most of my childhood playing and living in a beautiful, enormous garden, with animals, space, fresh air, in my grandmother’s home. I was always eating fresh vegetables, fruits and salad, we had our owns spices and eggs.

As I was growing up, I’ve always tried to grow and take care of my own plants, even when they would end up in our vase garden, with my mom turning into the new responsible for it, because of sun issues (their leaves used to become yellow due the amount of sun it receives on my window). Also, I officially became a vegetarian this year, because of what I believe.

I have a deep respect and interest in Eastern religious, specially Xintoism and Buddhism, firstly because of my deep connection with Japan culture, because of me being a yonsei (forth japanese generation living outside Japan), and secondly because of their enormous and profond respect with nature.  But I don’t feel completely belonging to these religions (I like Buddhism ideology, but I visited a temple once, and I’ve experienced [again] my deep fear/phobia of statues/sacred images).

The main things I feel when I’m hiking, or in a park, maybe somewhere with a waterfall or just walking between trees, is inner peace, Happiness, calmness. I have one of those sensations when we need to take a deep breath.  I feel complete.

I was feeling it now, while I was watching the sky view from my room, combining with the incredible green trees on the square near home and listening to the birds. I try to always thank Nature (or Mother Nature) for the good energy, the Universe, this wonderful life and for the beautiful nature we have here in Earth.

Feeling this joy, I’ve decided to google “how to be more connected with nature” and I found this interesting text, where they say you can actually be linked to that, on a spiritual way, you can have a deep connection with Nature (yes. “N”). I’m really happy to know that. Like, there are people like me and people who are really interested to spent more of their time in nature. Meditating, just breathing and enjoying that wonderful life we have.

I believe in energy, good and bad, rocks energy as well, dream catchers, and I guess I believe in Nature too (“N”). That’s where I’ve identified myself on, like, the spiritual thing. Not in a spiritual way. Not sure if that makes sense, but I get it.

There is one thing that can’t make me comfortable sitting in a track though, as this text person said he/she does: insects. I freak out when it comes to insects.

Do you love butterflies, how beautiful they fly aorund with their gorgeous and lovely colorful wings? I’m sorry to screw up your fantasy, but there are enormous, sticky bugs in the middle of these wings. Also mosquitos, beetles, and all those weird bugs. I know it’s part of cyrcle of life and all, but, WHY Mother Nature? Seriously, I can’t act properly when near to these. I guess bees are the only ones I don’t freak out that much, I actually like them. (Also, they are in the list of animals in threat of extinction, so take extra care with them).

I guess that’s it. I will try to find out more about this subject and also make some effort find my path there and get connected with this beautiful place we live in.


Arissa Ayumi

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